Reflections on International Men’s Day

This week included #internationalmensday2020.

You probably didn’t notice becuase….um….patriarchy….or summit!

Actually, the day has been “celebrated” since the 1960’s long after Women’s Day was founded some 60 years earlier, back in the days when there was a genuine gender divide at work and at home. For better, or worse.

So why do we fear to whisper let alone shout about this day in this post-feminist age of gender equality?

Well, judging by the way Ben Bradley, the UK MP who has supported a bill calling for a dedicated minister for men, has been pilloried by the champagne socialist army in what passes for mainstream media now, it would appear that male equality is a notion that a powerful lobby vociferously opposes, seemingly because of …..well patriarchy….or summit!

See the pattern?

I was struck by a post from a close friend and fellow shared parenting advocate and legal reform campaogner, Greg Cavadino, this week. He is one of the braver critics of the current lop-sided parenting epoch.

Over to Greg:

“I’ve seen the devastation first hand, as too many of us now have, of how men are treated in society today. And don’t forget, this isn’t a male issue, on a wider scale for father’s it’s also a child protection and family issue .

Why aren’t we celebrating dad’s, granddad’s, brothers, uncles, nephews and godsons and all off the same hymn sheet?

I’ve found and consistently seen a nasty undertone in society. It’s vicious. And it’s been driven home in the things we read, the things we see and the things we hear. It’s crept into society quietly over decades to the point of acceptance.

We honoured armistice day recently, an age when we sent men to war last century, on more than one occasion. I honestly believe those same men that we celebrate each year would think very differently of how we live and breath today.

They say behind every good man there’s are a good woman. And this, I truly believe is to be treasured by those who are fortunate to have this. The rest……

Some facts below, some of which I can personally attest to, particularly (2, 7, 9). It’s horrific and sad that these issues are now normalised and not being addressed.

I’ve also linked to the latest Coca-Cola advert, just because.

So to all my male friends here (and you womenfolk who are behind your menfolk, you know who you are), enjoy the day and enjoy being male.

Ten Key Facts about Men and Boys’ Wellbeing in the UK

(1) Prostate Cancer: 12,031 men died from prostate cancer in 2017 (33 per day, over one per hour) – the most recent figures available. Up from 11,307 in 2014

(2) Suicide: In 2018 with 4,903 men took their own lives (13 per day) in the UK at a rate of 17.2 per 100,000, the highest rate since 2013. Men make up three in every four suicides.

(3) Covid-19:18,671 men (from 30,742 deaths overall in England) have lost their lives due to Covid-19 up until 14 October 2020. They make up 61% of all deaths (for every ten Covid-19 deaths, six will be male)

(4) University Entry: In the 2018 Cycle, 196,105 men/boys domiciled in the UK accepted places at university, compared to 263,180 women/girls — a gap of 67,075 and 35%. In 2018, for 17 to 30-year-old English students domiciled who participated in Higher Education, there was a gap of over 30,000. Men: 150,085 (44.1%) and Women: 183,325 (56.6%) (2018).

(5) GCSEs: In 2019, boys have had worse exam results than girls for 30 years. Girls are now 14 per cent more likely than boys to pass their exams in English and maths, with 64 per cent of girls doing so compared to 56 per cent of boys.In 2019, 62.9% of males received Grade 1-4 (A* to C) GCSE grades whilst 71.7% of women received the same results. Only 54.2% of 16-year-old boys achieved a Grade C/4 English Language GCSE compared to 70.5% girls. 59.9% of boys achieved Grade C/4 in Maths as did 59.2% girls. Joint Council

(6) Exclusions: Boys have more than three times the number of permanent exclusions, with 6,000 permanent exclusions, at a rate of 0.14 compared to 1,900 for girls in 2018/19 (0.05).

(7) Rough Sleeping: 85% of those who slept rough in 2019 are male (where gender known)

(8) PrisonThere are around 79,164 people in prison, 96% of whom are male.

(9) Domestic Abuse: In 2018/19 – 786,000 men (1.6 million women) suffered from Domestic Abuse – one in three victims are male.

(10) Sexual Violence/Abuse: 140,000 men were estimated to have been victims of sexual assault in 2017/18 (560,000 women). 12,000 men were raped or victims of attempted rape in 2017/18.

As Greg points out, these are pretty chilling figures. What he didn’t mention were the stats that 80% of school teachers are women, as well as social workers and HR departments. How can that be balanced, especially as these are core people functions and the people in those jobs would scream blue murder should the ratios reverse?

These hypocritical trends are increasingly being spoken about by the likes of high-profile therapist and critic Jordan Peterson. But somehow even his balanced logic has been re-framed as “right wing conservatism” by the same cancel culture critics that are burning books and censoring libraries. Why should fairness threaten them?

Another tactic used to silence men is to calling them women haters or misogynists. Yet people are wising up to the clear double-standards in those arguments.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s. I was proud to go toe to toe with girls at the top of my classes. Sometimes I was top. Sometimes they were. I was honoured that we attended University (proper University) together. Half my tutors were female. Some were radical feminists or leftists or reactionaries. All were inclusive and welcomed open and often heated debate. Women and men shared the podiums on awards days. Women made up 50% of my graduate recruitment intake at work and I’ve had female as well as male bosses and as many of my female colleagues have succeeded in life as the men. My peers have shared the home as well as wok load. In the main, they found ways. This is as it should be.

My personal vulnerability was that I had children with someone a lot younger and suddenly found that our ethics were not aligned. She now somehow conveniently paints me as the male provider while she lives the trophy mother lifestyle. She had a better eucation and was better qualified and used an imbalanced system to her advantage. Part of me respects that she saw that advantage and handed me my own arse in court. But most of me is terrified by the imbalance and has grown increasingly worried for the children at how conveniently the ethics are now played. In the space of one generation, things have gone badly wrong. The balance has gone and family life is under great threat.

Mark my words, one day we will look back on these times with the same discomfort we reserve for the race equality and suffrage movements or religious persecutions of the past.

This abusive phase too will pass and there will be consequences as eyes open. So choose your side carefully and get to your feet, especially if you have sons, brothers or a male partner.

But for now, here’s a rare reminder of happier days and a taste of what can be again, when we all stand up, make our voices heard and are proud to be counted: